Hesitant Optimism

These last few days have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.

Bad news:

• Our second car broke down (probably for good). It will probably be a couple months before we can afford a replacement, unless we get some massive windfall. I'll find out for sure on Wednesday whether the transmission is burnt up beyond repair.
  
• I found out my Dad was in the ICU with a concussion and a skull fracture from a bicycling accident, and that he might not know what year it was. He was only waking up for minutes at a time, if that. Understandably, I was really panicked. It's not the first time he's been in the ICU for a bad accident, but it's the first time I haven't been there. I kept trying to remember when we talked last and what we said, which would bring a torrent of guilty tears. I've really gotta make a emergency travel savings fund for situations like this. If I wasn't so broke, I'd fly down this weekend.
  
• Oranje posted the scheduled times for booth set up between now and the event, and the majority of them conflict with my new job. They've already said the schedule is set in stone, so I have very limited time to set this thing up. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PANICPANICPANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  

Good news:

• Found out just how many people were expected to attend Oranje (4000+), and how much work most artists in my price range sell (a lot, apparently). Got pretty excited.
  
• Got some artwork done, including some new decal designs (of robots and manta rays!)
  
• Sold 7 pug plates to a lady who didn't have enough cash with her at the festival, but contacted me later. She also wants more stuff as soon as I can make it.
  
• Found out more about some of my benefits at Fedex - they really seem to take good care of their employees. I get travel discounts, shipping discounts, access to their credit union, paid time off, paid holidays, and I will actually be able to take a leave of absence to take our month long road trip next summer and still have a job when I get back. Also, it sounds like they're pretty easy with giving you requests off, so maybe I'll get to go home more often.
  
• Dad was scheduled to get out of ICU last night or today, whenever a room opened up. He is more coherent everyday, though he still sleeps a lot (but then, he has worked a graveyard shift for years, so sleeping in the day is pretty normal for him). Feeling very relieved about this. I'm hoping I get to talk to him soon.
• Watched Tom play vintage baseball, and miraculously did not bring rain with me! (Last two times I tried to attend, they were rained out. I began to suspect that either I or Nich was a jinx. Understandably, Tom waited until the day of and checked the weather before informing us about the game). Btw, the correct way to cheer for a good play at a 1860's baseball game is "Hip hip, huzzah!" I definitely plan to attend again.
  
• Went and saw District 9 on Sunday with Amy and Justin(absolutely excellent), and we went to Steak and Shake afterward to hang out. Amy and Justin are some of my favorite people, so it was a really fun evening.
  

The Fedex thing really has me pumped. If this job works out (and from the number of rehires at the training session, people actually seem to like working there), I'll have a job wherever we decide to move. They also offer tuition assistance, so that might help with grad school as well, if I decide to go. Can I dare to hope that I actually found a job that is perfect for me right now? Good pay, lots of perks, enough free time to work on my artwork, and weekends off? In the back of my head, I keep thinking it can't be this easy, and I'm gonna end up hating it. But we'll see what happens. So far, it sounds way better than working retail. And the exercise will be nice.

I've got a few ideas floating around in my head for artwork. I've been playing around with making wind chimes and bells, but trying to find something new to do with them that doesn't smack of granny craft. I've been thinking about the things that I associate with them. Bells in particular remind me of church bells in a catholic church, which reminds me of home. I'm thinking of doing clusters of bells and altars together - their shapes echo each other, so I'm thinking of doing something about home using both shapes. That's all I got so far, though. Lately I feel like I've just been working by instinct, trying different things and not worrying about whether they work or what their significance is. Some days I just need to draw robots, too. Nothing deeper than that. But I'm hoping to put together something more interesting than just shelves of pottery for Oranje. I've been tossing around the idea of re-creating my teenage bedroom, but I don't know. I miss the time when art, music, and writing in my journal in my room felt like some kind of emotional magic. I'd like to create a feeling like that.

Wish me luck on my second day of training - I'm a little groggy from lack of sleep, as I haven't blacked out my bedroom windows yet. Hopefully coffee and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I just ate will carry me thru till morning.